Anal probe? How very English...

Whilst in the car with a friend/colleague yesterday I had a funny turn, in fact I had several of them and ended up lopped semi consciously against the window, slurring that I was ok and we should get to the office.  To protect the high perception people have of me at work (and to get out of working himself) my friend decided it would be a better idea to go to hospital.

Before I knew it I was staggering punch drunk around A&E failing to answer simple questions like “what is your name” and “have you been drinking”.  No I hadn't, but something was definitely wrong, a fact I tried to explain with the line “I fink....fink, can’t fink.... mouth” or words to that effect

So there I was, laid up on a bed in the emergency ward, blood being taken, questions being asked, fingers being pinched and prodded, knees being hit with hammers and my eyeballs being manhandled open

It was at this point that my friend decided to chip in with the immortal line...”I think he needs an anal probe”

Even in my rather confused state I immediately responded with the line “you’re an anal probe”

Then later, when I was a bit more with it, the doctor came to ask more questions and to fill in endless NHS forms, she pointed to him and asked “this is your friend?” I replied “no, he’s my life partner” which she actually started to write down on the form

The Doctor came back and said “I’m going to get a nurse to come and do an ECG, it doesn’t hurt and it will check your heart...any questions”? My friend said “yeah, can we pick the nurse”?

I don’t know if you’ve ever been to the emergency ward in a hospital, the staff do an amazing job, but your surrounded by people in a bad way, wailing, whimpering, strapped to beds, puking, crapping, covered in blood.  The English ability to find things to laugh at when your surrounded by all that is as much an instinct as fight or flight

One last thing, while I was getting ready to leave the nurse told my friend that he was lucky I didn't piss myself in his car when it happened, which means I could have done it and got away with it for medical reasons, an opportunity lost I think...


- bod